You In My Nightmare
by bloodymarie21
Summary: (Complete) Mini-sequel to Lovers and Friends. What if Sessho-maru hadn't chosen Fawks as his mate? With the man she loves mated to someone else, but still unable to let her go, Fawks tries her best to keep their ever growing secrets especially from Sessho-maru's mate Sachiko. But how long can she hold out before those secrets destroy her and everything she holds dear?
1. Secrets

Sunlight filtered in through the window, drifting across Fawks' face. She opened her eyes, blinking against it as Sessho-maru rose from the bed. She watched him stretch and a small smile tugged at her lips, at times like this, she was utterly at peace. In the few hours spent with him, she could pretend everything was alright, she could forget the world and just be his woman.

Sessho-maru pulled on a robe, "You should go, I'm sure Tensei will be looking for you…"

And just like that the illusion was shattered, Fawks sat up, tucking the sheet to her chest. "Yes, my lord. I will be ready in a moment…"

She was unsteady on her feet, Sessho-maru caught her as she stumbled but she shoved him away. Now that their time together was over, she didn't want him treating her like a lover.

"…I was too rough with you…" he commented.

"I'm fine" she snapped, pulling on her own yukata. "Shouldn't you be off, my lord? I'm sure your mate and son are wondering where you are"

Sessho-maru didn't even flinch at the barb, it seemed he had come to terms with what they were doing better then Fawks had. Maybe it was a demon thing she didn't understand yet. Fawks cinched her robe shut, turning to go, she needed to bathe, to rid herself of his scent and touch. To forget about him until the next time, and there would be a next time. He said nothing as she left and for that Fawks was grateful.

Itnasha met her in the hallway, his expression unreadable. She didn't meet his eyes, didn't stop as she continued on her way to the bathhouse.

"What do you want?"

"Nothing…I was just thinking about what a faithless mate you are…" he said, easily following her stride.

"Cut the crap, I'm not your mate" she spat.

It was all an act, a ploy devised by Sessho-maru to keep her close, to keep anyone from suspecting what was really going on between them.

"But everyone believes you are, so it would be best if you didn't sneak around to another man's chambers in the middle of the night" he warned grabbing her arm. Fawks pulled out of his grasp, snarling, "Tell that to your cousin. He summoned me so I had to go"

Itnasha glared at her, "If you refused him he'd leave you alone, you know that. You don't have to stay here, Sessho-maru would let you go if you asked it of him…"

"And where would we go? I can't go back to my own time, not with the way I am now…not with Tensei…" Fawks sighed wearily, "And if I stayed here in the past with her, she'd never be safe. It wouldn't take people long to figure out who her father really is, there would be a target on our backs. It's hard enough trying to keep the truth from Lady Sachiko as it is…"

Itnasha sighed, and she turned from him again.

"Tensei…she calls me 'papa' you know…" he sighed.

"Let her keep thinking that…" Fawks threw over her shoulder as she left him.

After her bath, Fawks went out to the servant's quarters.

"Good morning, Fawks-sama" Several women greeted her as they washed clothes.

"Morning" she beamed.

"Poor lass…so young and tasked with guarding Lord Sessho-maru all day and sometimes late into the night…"

"And with such a young child to look after, one would think her mate would at least complain…!"

Fawks glimpse several servant's children playing with a spinning top, one of them looked back at her, "Ten-chan, your ma's here…!"

The little girl poked her head up, her golden green eyes flashing, "Mommy!"

Fawks opened her arms as the child ran to her, scooping her up as she wrapped her tiny arms around her neck.

"Good morning, Tensei, did you sleep well?" Fawks beamed at her.

The child nodded energetically, "Papa kept me company, but I missed mommy"

"I know, I'm sorry…"

"Did Lord Sessho-maru have a hard time sleeping?" Tensei blinked.

Fawks started, "What?"

"Kaku-chan says that Lord Sessho-maru can't sleep and so he makes you keep him company. Why doesn't he just get Lady Sachiko to do it?" Tensei pouted. Fawks smiled softly, smoothing back the girl's strawberry blonde hair.

"I'm part of Lord Sessho-maru's main guard. It's my job to protect him…"

"Why can't papa or uncle Gin or uncle Mame do it?"

"Uncle Ginzo and uncle Mamezou looks after Lady Sachiko and the little lordship. Your papa and I take turns guarding Lord Sessho-maru when he has to work late…" Tensei looked like she was about to say more but she didn't, instead she leaned her head into her mother's neck. Fawks said nothing, holding her daughter close to her. Tensei was at that age where she asked a lot of questions but she always seemed to stop when it came to the difficult ones.

She never asked why Lord Sessho-maru would request her mother's presence at seemingly random periods during the day and night. She never asked why she didn't look like her 'papa' even though Fawks knew other children had asked her that question. She never asked why she wasn't allowed in the main palace or, on the few occasions her mother let her come with her, why she had to cover her face.

"Let's go get some breakfast, ne?" Fawks began. Tensei nodded and she kissed the child's cheek.


	2. Tensei

"How is the girl?"

Itnasha looked up at his cousin in surprise, the pale inu sat at his desk, he didn't look up from the paperwork.

"Girl?" Itnasha began.

"Fawks' child"

Itnasha's expression darkened, the bastard couldn't even admit to the truth, "She's fine, my lord…happy and healthy…"

"She will be four-years-old on the next full moon…"

Itnasha blinked, surprised Sessho-maru even knew that much, "That's right"

"Is there…anything she wants?"

Itnasha grit his teeth, fury roiling in his gut.

"You wish to say something?"

"You're damn right I do…! You don't even acknowledge the girl since the day she was born and now all of a sudden you want to 'give' her something?! She doesn't need your guilty attentions, Fawks and Tensei are both fine!" he barked. Sessho-maru raised his eyes to his cousin, "You think I wish to do this out of guilt?"

"I'll admit I didn't even think you were capable of the emotion" Itnasha snorted.

Sessho-maru smirked, "You're wrong, you know. I have acknowledged her"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I was there when she was born, I held her mere moments after. Did you honestly think Fawks gave her that name to shame me? It was my idea"

Itnasha blinked in disbelief, unsure what to say. But Sessho-maru had already lost interest in the conversation, "If you will not tell me what the child would like for her birthday, then I shall ask Fawks, send her here"

His tone made Itnasha's hackles rise, "You already fucked her last night, can't you leave her alone for a while?!"

Sessho-maru raised an elegant eyebrow, "Was I unclear?"

Itnasha bit back all the insults gurgling in the back of his throat, even though they were cousins, at the end of the day Sessho-maru was still the lord of the region and Itnasha was only a vassal.

"Mommy?"

Fawks looked up from her sewing to where Tensei sat in the outside corridor, tracing patterns in the dirt below with a stick.

"Yes, baby?"

"Papa isn't my real papa, is he?"

Fawks nearly pricked herself as her hands began to shake. She should have known this day was coming, Tensei was bound to notice certain inconsistencies. Fawks kept her eyes on the half finished kimono in her hands. "No, he's not"

"…who is my real papa then?" Tensei looked at her with expectant golden green eyes…eyes so much like her father's.

Fawks gave her a sad smile. "I can't tell you that. If I did, you might be in danger…"

Tensei lowered her head in understanding, "Did you love him?"

Fawks was taken aback by the question but she didn't hesitate, "I still love him"

The front door opened with a slam, Itnasha stomped unceremoniously into the room, "The asshole wants to see you"

"Language" Fawks began, getting to her feet. "I'll be back soon, be a good girl while I'm gone"

"…is papa mad…" Tensei asked, eyes wide as saucers.

"No…just irritated…" Itnasha grumbled, sitting down beside her. "Oi, what do you want for your birthday, Ten-chan?"

"I dunno…" she shrugged.

"Great…"


	3. The Wife and the Mistress

"Oh, Fawks-san…!"

The woman's voice set her teeth on edge, she paused in her stride, turning to bow to Lady Sachiko. "My lady…"

Sachiko's blond hair tumbled over her shoulders, her silver eyes were sweet and peaceful, a warm smile graced her radiant features. The toddler in her arms giggled and reached out to Fawks, the other woman smiled softly, letting him catch hold of one of her fingers.

"How is the little lordship today?"

"He's just fine, Shino-maru really seems to like you, Fawks-san" Sachiko smiled.

_'…like father like son, eh?'_ Fawks wondered absently.

"I…was hoping our children could play together soon… I spoke to Sho-san about it but he said no…" she sighed.

Fawks said nothing, she hated being around Sachiko. Not only was she beautiful and perfect but she seemed to like Fawks quite a bit. It only made what she and Sessho-maru were doing that much more painful.

Fawks lightly stroked the baby's head before straightening up, "Lord Sessho-maru has summoned me, I must be off…"

Sachiko nodded, "Of course. I would like to meet your daughter, though. I'm sure she's just as beautiful as her mother"

Fawks set her jaw, bowing once again as she turned away from her. Sachiko was a good mate, she didn't deserve what Sessho-maru was doing to her. Whenever they were together, Fawks was so tempted to tell her the truth. To unload all the guilt she'd been carrying in her heart, but every time the chance arose Fawks could only think of herself and her own child. Of how much she wanted Tensei to be safe and of how much she craved Sessho-maru's touch.

_'I'm selfish, and only care about myself no matter how much my actions hurt others…Sessho-maru and I truly deserve eachother…'_

Fawks moaned softly as Sessho-maru's tongue ran up her neck, his hand parted her kimono, slipping his fingers into her sopping womanhood. She gasped, throwing her head back against his shoulder.

"…so eager, Fawks-chan?" he whispered, nipping at her ear with his sharp fangs.

"…Sessh…kun…" Fawks sighed breathlessly, wriggling against the two claws fingers stretching her entrance. He bared her breasts, cupping one of them, he pinched the nipple making her arch against him.

"…why don't you…go to Sachiko…?" she sighed. Sessho-maru's eyes narrowed and he shoved her roughly down onto his desk, he hiked her kimono over her hips exposing herself to his hungry gaze.

"I don't want her…I want you…"

She heard a rustle of cloth before he thrusted into her. Fawks bit back a cry, her claws gouging the wood of the table.

His pace was always rough and fast, his hips smacking her ass and jarring her entire body. Fawks bit her lip hard enough to draw blood, trying to keep her voice under control as the intense pleasure began to overwhelm her senses. Her breasts dragged painfully against the polished wood of the desk, her nipples aching deliciously.

Sessho-maru growled harshly above her, lost in the sweet pull of her sheath on his girth. He had never experienced such pleasure with Sachiko, making love to her was his duty and he treated it as such, taking her gently, only staying within her long enough to find release and insure his line.

It was only when he made love to Fawks that he could truly enjoy the act, she could take whatever he gave her and more without whimpering about him hurting her. And as Sachiko had grown slack with the birth of their son, Fawks was still as tight as the day he'd first taken her. Even though he knew he should let her go, he couldn't seem to resist her, her body called to him, he found himself craving her touch, her scent, the sound of her voice nearly every waking moment.

Sessho-maru gave a snarl, his release imminent, he dug his own claws into the desk beneath them, fucking her harder as he draped his body over her. A soft groan spilled from Fawks throat as she climaxed, her whole body trembling with the force of it. Sessho-maru slammed his hips against her ass one last time, before following after her, his seed flooding her feminine passage. He stayed within her, emptying himself before finally pulling out.

Fawks whimpered softly as his seed began to run down her thighs, leaving behind a sticky trail. Sessho-maru took a moment to admire the contrast of his white seed on her caramel skin before pressing rice paper between her legs.

"…I can do it myself…" she scoffed straightening up, wincing as more of his spill began to pour out of her.

Sessho-maru moved away from her, fixing his robes, "Is there anything Tensei desires for her birthday?" Fawks glanced at him, vaguely shocked though she knew she shouldn't be. Sessho-maru never forgot their daughter's birthday, in previous years he had sent her toys, a new ball here, a pretty doll there. But it was the first time he'd actually asked. Fawks thought back to the conversation she'd had with Tensei before she left, "She…wants to know who her father is…"


	4. Moments Missed

"The palace?" Tensei blinked.

"Yeah, we're all going over there to play" Chiharu began.

"Our parents said we could as long as we don't bother anybody" Mihana added.

Tensei glared down at her sandals, "I'm…not allowed to go there…not unless I'm with mommy…"

"Come on, Ten-chan…" Hiko began

"She said not to let anyone see me…"

The children thought on this.

"Oi, oi! I have a kitsune mask my big brother got me from a festival. If you wear that, no one will know it's you!" Kaku piped up.

"Yeah! And I have scarf you can tie your hair up in…" Koto added.

"…well…okay, if you're sure we won't get caught"

"Of course not! Come on, it'll be fun!"

Shino-maru pushed himself up onto his feet, tottering, his golden eyes screwed up in concentration.

"You can do it, Shino-chan, come to mama…" Sachiko cooed holding out her arms.

Sessho-maru watched them from his study, his heir was growing stronger by the day, a proud smile tugged on his lips.

_"She wants to know who her father is"_

Fawks words tore at him and he pulled away. Even though he could never acknowledge her as his child, Sessho-maru had done his best to give Tensei what he could. He had given her a father by way of his cousin, made sure she had a proper home and that she was safe and healthy. He'd have been lying if he denied a desire to know her, he hadn't even seen the girl since she was born.

"That's it, Shino! Look at you…!" Sachiko laughed. Sessho-maru looked back just in time to see his son take his first steps. How many firsts had he already missed with Tensei?

Had she called out to him with her first word?

The sound of children at play caught his attention, he turned toward the garden.

"It is merely the servant's children, pay them no mind, milord" Jaken said, gathering the paper's from Sessho-maru's desk. The sound of a flute, cut through the din overcoming the ecstatic giggles.

"…That flute…"

The imp blinked up at his master, "If they are bothering you, sir, I can make them disperse…"

"Leave them be" Sessho-maru said, heading in the direction of the sound.

"Play for us!" Koto chirped.

"Yeah, Ten-chan, you brought your flute, ne?" Kaku asked.

Tensei nodded, pulling the flute from her robes. It had been a gift for her third birthday, no one would tell her who it was from but it didn't matter, she'd been getting gifts like that for as long as she could remember. It was special because it wasn't made from wood, the flute had been carved from jade and had taken her a while to master but now she could make it sound sweeter then any wooden flute.

Tensei lifted her mask slightly, putting it to her lips. She played a soft, merry tune and the other children started to dance. Koto, Yuya and Emiri joined hands, twirling around in a circle. Chiharu and Mihana danced with each other as the boys sat in the grass, content merely to listen.

None of them seemed to notice when Sessho-maru came upon them. Tensei was the first to see him, she stopped playing, dropping her flute. The other children turned, dropping to their knees and bowing before him.

"…G…good day your lordship…" Kaku stuttered. But Sessho-maru ignored him, approaching the girl in the mask. Tensei trembled, glaring down at her feet as Lord Sessho-maru knelt before her, picking up the discarded flute.

"Where did you get this?" he asked.

"It…was a gift…mommy wouldn't tell me who it was from…" she stuttered. Sessho-maru hooked a finger under her mask, lifting it to gaze into the pup's teary golden green eyes.

"What is your name, child?"

She immediately glared at the ground, "Tensei, my lord"

"Please don't be mad, Sessho-maru-sama!" another little girl leapt up.

"Mihanna…!" Kaku muttered.

"Tensei's ma says she can't be seen in the castle. Please don't get Ten-chan in trouble…" she sniffled.

Sessho-maru rose to his feet, "You're not in trouble…"

He handed her back the flute, "Come with me"

Tensei glanced back at her friends before following after the stoic lord.


	5. Our Girl

"Ten-chan…!" Fawks called as she entered the house. Itnasha dozed in the outside corridor and she nudged him awake.

"…done already…?"

She ignored the barb, "Where's Tensei?"

"…her friends came to get her a while ago…" he yawned.

"I just asked them, they said they hadn't seen her…" Fawks began.

"…Well that's not right…" Itnasha grumbled, scratching himself. Fawks turned on her heel, going out the way she came. She went back to the servant's quarters, glimpsing the children sitting about anxiously.

"Oi…! Where is Tensei?" she called to them. None of them would meet her gaze.

"It's like we said, Fawks-san, we haven't seen her…" Kaku muttered.

Fawks crossed her arms, "Oh really? Well neither has her father…care to explain that?"

The children shared anxious glances.

"Stop fooling around, where is my daughter?"

Sessho-maru watched as Tensei folded the paper, she hummed while she worked, some little melody Fawks had taught her no doubt. Once the paper had taken the shape of a crane, she held it in her hands before her, face scrunched up in concentration.

The paper bird's wings began to flap and it launched into the air, flying around the room for several moments before unceremoniously bursting into flame, ashes falling to the tatami mats.

"…that's as long as I can hold it for. It always flames out like that…" she sighed.

"Very impressive" Sessho-maru nodded and he was impressed. Already so young and she was beginning to harness her youki, pride swelled in his chest.

Tensei started folding again, "Mommy taught me how to do it and papa…"

She hesitated, her smile faltering.

"What is it?"

"He's…not my real papa…" she sighed.

Sessho-maru hid his surprised behind a mask of indifference, "How do you know?"

Tensei shrugged, eyes still on the paper in her hands, "We don't look alike…my friends all look a little like their papas. I asked mama and she said he wasn't"

Sessho-maru was surprised Fawks would admit to such a thing, "Did she tell you who your father is?"

Tensei shook her head, pouting a little, "She said it was too dangerous for me to know…"

_'She's right'_ the words stuck in his throat. At that moment, he wanted nothing more then to reveal himself to her and be her father. But so many other reasons held him back.

The shoji screen was thrown open and Fawks stood panting in the doorway. Tensei quickly pulled the kitsune mask back over her face as Fawks glared at them in disbelief.

"Is something the matter, Fawks-san?" Sessho-maru raised an eyebrow.

Fawks grit her teeth, "Yes, my lord, my child knows she's not allowed to be in the palace without me…"

"…But I covered my face…" Tensei muttered from behind her mask.

"That doesn't matter and you know it! Do you have any idea how worried I've been?! I didn't know where you were…!"

"…I'm sorry, mommy…"

Fawks shook her head, "Come here"

Tensei stood, bowing to Sessho-maru as she passed.

"…come back any time you like…" he whispered to her.

Fawks glared at him incredulously for a moment before bowing as well. "…thank you for looking after my girl"

With that she pulled Tensei from the room, shutting the door briskly behind her. Sessho-maru lifted the new paper crane the child had made from the floor, tucking it into his robe, close to his heart.

_'…Our girl…'_


	6. Impossible Dream

"She was with Sessho-maru?!" Itnasha began in surprise.

"That's beside the point! What if any of the other vassals saw her, what if Sachiko-sama saw her?!" Fawks cried, pacing the floor of their bedroom. Though they slept in the same room to keep up appearances, the two had separate futons.

"Sho-kun isn't so stupid. If Ten-chan were to be in the castle without you, she's safest with him"

Fawks stopped pacing, crossing her arms over her chest, "That bastard…just what the hell is he planning?"

"Eh?"

"He's never shown an interest in Tensei before. He's sent her things sure, but it always seemed like an afterthought…"

"Maybe he wants to actually get to know his daughter" Itnasha shrugged.

Fawks jaw clenched, "Do you remember…when I first learned I was pregnant?"

"Yeah, you freakedout…" Itnasha snorted.

"You're right. I was terrified that others would learn about the affair, Sessho-maru was the one who calmed me, he told me everything would be alright…" she hesitated, "At the time…a small part of me hoped that…the pregnancy would make Sessho-maru realize he loved me enough to…actually make me his wife…"

Itnasha studied her slumped shoulders, "Fawks-chan…"

"…After all…I was having his first child not Sachiko…sometimes…I wonder if Ten had been a boy…" Fawks shook her head, straightening her back. "Never mind…none of that matters anymore anyway…"

"Your happiness doesn't matter?" Itnasha asked, his voice pained.

"…this is the life I chose for myself. Sessho-maru didn't force me to be his mistress, I accepted it I…just wanted to be close to him…"

Itnasha rose from his futon, coming over to her. He turned her to face him, her eyes were desolate, filled with regret and despair. He pulled her into his arms, resting her cheek against his shoulder.

"…I'm so tired, Itnasha…so sick of it all…but even now I can't refuse him. I still…I'm in love with him…"

"I know…" he sighed, burying his nose in her hair. Fawks smelled like autumn, crisp with a hint of spice. She was strong and beautiful, he could understand why his cousin was so drawn to her. Hell, he'd have to be made a stone not to react to her.

"…I can make it so you don't have to refuse him. I can make it…so he'll never be able to touch you…or hurt you again…" Itnasha sighed against her. Fawks pulled back, staring at him in shock.

He gave her a sad smile, "You're my 'mate' after all…let me help you…"

"But…I love Sessho-maru…"

"Enough to let him keep using you? Even when you know he's spending the night with another woman…"

She flinched away at this, Itnasha tilted her head back, capturing her lips with his own. As her own lips parted under the stroke of his tongue, Fawks briefly thought about how Sessho-maru never kissed her anymore. For some reason that hurt her more then anything else.

How easy it would be to let Itnasha have her, make her his mate. Sessho-maru would lose what little claim he had on her. Maybe they could even leave the stronghold and just be a regular family. Even though she wanted that will all her heart, she also knew it was an impossible dream.

He slipped her kimono down her shoulders, nipping softly at her neck, "…You're so beautiful…Fawks-chan…"

Fawks shut her eyes, letting him lower her to the bed. Even if it was impossible, she would reach for it until it finally drifted from her sight.

Itnasha wasn't like Sessho-maru, he took his time kissing her, exploring her body. He took her gently like a lover, sighing her name with every breath.

"…Fawks-chan…I love you…ugh…why can't you…just be mine…?" he growled, his thrusts becoming deeper.

"…because…" she sighed, her hands stroking the taut muscles of his back, "…I'm…in love with…Sessho-maru…"

Sessho-maru gave a tough grunt, thrusting into Sachiko one final time before filling her with his seed. Sachiko gave a breathy cry as she climaxed with him, digging her claws into the sheets beneath them. He pulled out of her rolling to his feet.

"…Sho-san…was it good for you…?" she purred.

"Hn" Sessho-maru replied, tying his robe shut. "You should rest. Shino-maru will be awake soon…" "

…What about you…?"

"There are some things I still need to take care of" He replied. "I will see you at breakfast"

Sachiko nodded, watching him go with a gentle smile.

Sessho-maru met Itnasha in his study, the scent that clung to him made Sessho-maru's stomach turn.

"Good morning, my lord" he bowed. Sessho-maru's claws were at his throat before Itnasha could blink. The stronger inu slammed him into the wall, cracking the wood, he coughed blood.

"What have you done?!" Sessho-maru snarled.

"…Dunno…what you mean…I bedded my mate…" he smirked.


	7. Things Fall Apart

The smell of blood was thick in the air as Fawks walked down the hall to Sessho-maru's study. So it really had turned out this way after all.

He pushed open the door at her approach, his robes soaked through with blood. Their eyes met but his expression was unreadable.

"Have someone clean this up…" he said as he passed her. Fawks didn't even flinch as she gazed into the bloody room. The walls were splattered with garish red, pieces of Itnasha lay here and there, dripping noisily from the ceiling. Fawks had known this would happen, Itnasha knew it too.

She had begged him not to go to the palace, to let her try to talk some sense into Sessho-maru if that was even possible. But Itnasha had merely smiled, kissed her and told her he loved her. He said goodbye to Tensei, swinging her into his arms as he always did, as if he would be back in a matter of hours.

She was growing sick of people loving her. Sick of them not being able to live without her, sick that Itnasha decided to die if he couldn't have her.

"…did he even fight back?" she asked.

Sessho-maru paused, "No, he did not"

"…he didn't mark me, you know. I didn't let him…"

"I know, if he had…I would have made him suffer more" he growled out disappearing down the hallway.

Tensei was despondent as she sat in her room, staring unseeingly into the opposite wall.

"Your…friends came by again today…" Fawks began. She didn't reply, it had only been a week since Itnasha's funeral. Fawks had told her he died while protecting their lord, only the private guard knew the truth.

Sessho-maru had flown into a rage and tore Itnasha to shreds, though they still didn't know why. Fawks sighed sadly, turning away. Ginzo and Mamezou awaited her in the front room.

Ginzo was very tall and broad with scars all over his face. His eyes were predatory, slitted like a cat's. Despite his gruesome appearance he was a good soldier and cared deeply for Tensei and her parents. Mamezou was a sprightly youth with dark hair and his sister's silver eyes.

"You're sure Sessho-maru won't need you?"

"He's dismissed us for the time being" Ginzo nodded, "I wish you'd let one of us come with you, my lady…"

Fawks shook her head, "It would look suspicious…I don't want anyone to know where I'm going and I don't want Ten to be alone…"

Ginzo looked away, blushing slightly. If he was being honest with himself, he had been jealous when his lordship had given her to Itnasha. Fawks was strong and capable but also beautiful and so distinctly feminine. With Itnasha's death, he'd been hoping to be next to woo her. But now was definitely not the time for that.

"Be careful, Fawks-san" Mamezou said.

She smiled, ruffling his hair, "I'll be fine, just take care of my girl"

The boy nodded shyly, he also loved her in his own way. Fawks had taken the time to train him while others had thought him hopeless and now he was part of Lord Sessho-maru's private guard. Even when he'd treated her coldly for having been Sessho-maru's lover while his sister was engaged to him, she had treated him as if they were family. He had been more then willing to return the favor, adoring Tensei as if she were his own sister.

"I'll be back soon…thanks for this…" she smiled softly, closing the door behind her.

"…poor Fawks-san…" Mamezou sighed.

"I still can't help but wonder what made Sessho-maru-sama snap like that…" Ginzo began.

"Shh…!" Ten-chan's in the next room! She might hear you!" Mamezou hissed.

"It's not like she'd know what I was talking about…" Ginzo grumbled.

Mamezou knocked on her door, "Ten-chan? It's me and Gin, we wanted to see how you were doing…"

When there was no reply, he pushed open the door. The room sat horribly empty.

"Tensei?!"

"What the…where'd she go?!" Ginzo barked.

"I dunno but we'd better find her…! Fawks-san will have our heads for this!"


	8. Lies Unraveled

Sessho-maru sat in the garden beneath the flowering Magnolia tree as Tensei sat in his lap sobbing pitifully into his robes. He smoothed a hand down her back, letting the pup cry. "…it's not fair…" she wept,

"He was…the only papa I had…!"

"Hn"

"Why'd he hafta die?"

Sessho-maru stroked her hair, "Do you know how he died?"

"Mommy…mommy said he…died protecting you…" she whimpered.

He breathed in her scent, pressing his lips to the top of her head, "No, little one. I killed him"

Tensei pulled back, looking up at him with teary disbelieving eyes. "No…"

"Yes" he all but hissed. Perhaps it was better this way, if she could grow to hate him, maybe he wouldn't yearn to be her father anymore.

Tensei sat back, wiping her eyes, "Why?"

The question startled Sessho-maru, but he didn't falter, "Because he touched what was mine"

She finally broke their gaze but she didn't pull out of his lap, "…that's a stupid reason"

"I do not regret what I have done…"

"Are you my father?"

This time he did waver, staring at her in surprised, Tensei looked back up at him, eyes determined. "Is that why you killed him? Because he got to be with me and mommy and you couldn't"

Sessho-maru wanted to laugh out loud. This pup, barely out of diapers, had a view of the world so much clearer then even him.

"…I suppose so…" he said.

Tensei scrunched up her face in thought, "If that's the reason, I guess I can forgive you…"

She clasped his face in her small hands, "But you can't kill anyone else just because you're jealous…!"

Sessho-maru sighed, leaning his forehead against hers, "Very well, pup. If that is your wish, I shall obey" S

he smiled, kissing the crescent on his forehead, "I have to go home now"

"Hn" he nodded as she slipped from his arms.

"I…don't think I can visit you again, though…" she said over her shoulder. Sessho-maru's heart gave a painful clench but he nodded.

Sachiko paced the halls looking for her husband, the study was still being cleaned of blood and he had taken to wandering the castle aimlessly. Remembering that dreadful day, she shuddered visibly. Sessho-maru had returned to their rooms covered in blood, but one whiff of him let her know it wasn't his.

Then he'd stripped out of the bloody clothes and taken her again. Instead of the gentle lovemaking she was used to, he'd been severely rough, thrusting into her with abandon, growling and snarling like a beast. After he'd finished with her, he told her Itnasha was dead and then stumbled off to the baths, leaving her spent and moist with someone else's blood. Since then she'd been extremely worried about him. Sachiko had known Sessho-maru and Itnasha since they were small, they fought a great deal but she never in a thousand lifetimes believed he'd be capable of killing his cousin.

She tried to talk to him about it but all he'd say on the matter was that Itnasha overstepped his boundaries. The two had been so close, she didn't even know they had boundaries. Even though Sessho-maru had dispatched his cousin, there was no doubt in her mind he was hurting over it. She merely wanted to comfort him, to hold him in her arms and then maybe he'd finally let down the walls he had built around his emotions, maybe then depend on her more and show her the same affection she held for him.

Sachiko heard her mate's voice from the garden, "…because he touched what was mine"

She peeked around the corner, Sessho-maru sat beneath a Magnolia tree and small child in his lap. She was very pretty, Sachiko supposed, with long pale red hair and teary golden green eyes. Perhaps she was one of the servant's children?

This was odd seeing as the only child Sessho-maru showed the least amount of interest in was their own.

The girl sniffled noisily, glaring into her own lap, "…that's a stupid reason"

Sachiko wondered briefly what they were talking about, then she wondered if she should perhaps give them privacy…

"Are you my father?"

The question came from nowhere, even Sessho-maru seemed surprised. Sachiko wanted to scoff at the child for her audacity, of course her lordship wasn't her father. The very idea was ludicrous in and of itself.

"Is that why you killed him? Because he got to be with me and mommy and you couldn't?" she asked with conviction.

Sessho-maru hesitated, a sad smile coming to his lips, "…I suppose so…"

Sachiko felt the world tilt beneath her feet. No…there was no way this was possible. Sessho-maru would never have an affair, he would never father a child with another woman. He was her mate, the father of her son and, even if he didn't show it, he loved her.

_'Does he though?'_ A small traitorous voice asked in the back of her mind.

Looking at this child now, Sachiko had no trouble seeing the resemblance to her noble husband and she had no trouble figuring out who the girl's mother was.

Sachiko turned away from them, striding on shaky legs back to her rooms. Everything was so dreadfully clear to her now, she wanted to kick herself for being so blind.

The reason why Sessho-maru had made Fawks one of his private guard, the reason why he would work such late nights.

The reason he refused to let their children play together, the reason Sachiko never the girl in the castle.

And finally the reason he had slaughtered Itnasha.

Sachiko wanted to be sick, how many times had he slept with Fawks right under her nose?

The child was four years old and Sachiko had been his mate for five years. All the lies started to unravel around her. She felt like such a fool, she had approved of Sessho-maru making Fawks his bodyguard even when she knew they'd been lovers all because he had told her Fawks had moved on to Itnasha.

She had believed him and when Fawks fell pregnant with what everyone assumed was Itnasha child, that only cemented that belief. Well no more. She was done believing his lies, done trusting that whore.

And the child?

She was Sessho-maru's first born. If she ever decided to contest her son's right to the throne of the westerns lands, she could and she'd probably win.

No, she was an obstacle, one that had to be gotten rid of. The very thought put a smile on Sachiko's face. Now it was Fawks' turn to lose everything she held dear, to have her life come crashing down around her.


	9. What Needs to be Done

"It's been a long time, Fawks-sama"

"Please, there's no need to call me that any longer" Fawks smiled as she sat down beside the fire haired youth.

"I have to admit, I was surprised you called upon us. Why not ask Kagome and Inu-yasha or Sango and Miroku for assistance?" he asked, tapping ash from his pipe.

"Because they have families to care for and you seemed to be an eternal bachelor" she smirked at him.

Shippo chuckled refilling his pipe, "You've got me there…though I have been staying with Rin and Kohaku. They have quite a litter so I've become better with kids…"

"That's another good thing about asking you to do this. You're a wanderer so you'll be able to hide her that much better…"

Shippo lifted it to his lips, heating the end with his fox fire, "What about you, Fawks-sama? Won't you be joining the pup?"

Fawks shook her head, her eyes swimming, "We…wouldn't be able to hide like that…everyone would know who we were…"

Shippo blew out smoke, "If you think that is best, then I will take the girl. I'll raise her the best I can and protect her until she can take care of herself…"

Fawks reached out, squeezing his hand, "Thank you, Shippo…I know it's a lot to ask…"

"Don't worry, my lady. If it weren't for all of you I wouldn't have lived to this ripe old age" he chuckled.

"Where have you been?!" Mamezo cried as Tensei came through the front door. S

he shrugged, "Out…"

"That's not good enough, pup. What would your mother have done if she came home and found you gone?" Ginzo said gruffly.

"…Mommy's not gonna marry you, y'know. You don't have to act like my papa…" she said, matter-of-factly. Ginzo blushed darkly, giving his bald head the look of an overripe tomato, "W…wha…you…!"

Mamezou snorted, Tensei giggled, scampering away as Ginzo gained chase. Mamezou moved to follow them just as there was a knock at the door. He opened it to find one of the household servants bowing to him.

"Sachiko-sama has requested you back at the palace…"

"Sis? Is everything alright?"

"I honestly cannot say. When I told her you had been called out to Itnasha's residence, she was suddenly desperate to see you"

"Hm, alright" he began, "Oi, Gin…! I've been called back to the palace…!"

"What for?" Ginzo appeared, holding Tensei upside down by her ankles while the child squealed with laughter.

"Dunno, her ladyship has summoned me…" Mamezou shrugged, "Fawks-sama should be back soon, so it shouldn't be a problem…"

"Alright, see you later then…"

"Bye, uncle Mamezou!" Tensei laughed.

Fawks smelled the smoke as soon as she neared the stronghold, her heart seized in fear.

"Fawks-sama…" Shippo muttered from beside her.

"Let's go…" she said hurrying the direction of her home.

"…Tensei is…?!" Mamezou stared at his sister in disbelief.

She gave a cold laugh, "I'm surprised you didn't realize it sooner, Mame-chan. She is his spitting image after all…"

Mamezou swallowed thickly, perhaps she was right, perhaps he didn't want to see the resemblance. "Still…isn't that a bit harsh? She is a child after all…she doesn't deserve to die for who her father is…"

"If that child is allowed to live she could one day contest my son for ruler of the western lands" Sachiko said seriously.

"She wouldn't…" he began weakly.

"And how do you know that? She is just a child now but how will you know what she will become in the future? I have endured too much from Sessho-maru just to have the western lands usurped by his bastard child" she spat.

Mamezou shrank back, he had never seen her like this, not that he could really blame her. Sessho-maru was the only man she'd ever known, she'd loved him utterly and completely and he'd betrayed her. Even though he knew he should hate her, Mamezou couldn't bring himself to despise Tensei. He squared his shoulders, bowing, "I'm sorry, sister but I cannot carry out an assassination order on an innocent child"

"I thought as much…" she sighed dismissively.

Mamezou blinked at her, "Sachiko…what have you done?"

She gave him a cruel smile. "What needed to be done…"


	10. Assassination

"Where the hell is Mamezou? Surely that sister of his could let him off the hook for one day…" Gonzo grumbled, standing out on the porch. Something moved out of the corner of his eye, he turned. The day was quiet, almost unnaturally so, his gifted eyes scanned the bushes, muscles taunt, ready for a fight.

"Uncle Gin…! I'm hungry…!" Tensei announced from inside the glanced around one last time before turning back toward the door, "Hai, hai Ten-chan…"

It was then that they chose to strike. Three ninja leapt from the bushes surrounding the house. Ginzo whirled around with a snarl but it was too late, one of them kicked him to the ground, sitting on his chest while the other held his clawed hands above his head. The one straddling him held a dagger to his throat.

"…who the hell…are you?! What do you want?!" Ginzo snarled.

"We are under orders not to harm you. It is the child we're after" one of them said nodding to the third who drew his sword heading inside the house.

"No…! Leave her alone! She's just a girl…!"

He heard Tensei scream from inside.

"Tensei!"

Fawks ran to the burning house, "Tensei!"

"Fawks-san…!"

Several servants rushed toward her, "Don't worry, Fawks-san! Ten-chan is alright"

Fawks nearly collapsed where she stood, "…where is she?"

They pulled her away from the burning building toward the servant's quarters. Tensei said surrounded by her friends.

"Mommy!" she cried, running into her mother's arms.

"Oh…! My baby! What happened?"

"Three bad men…they tried to hurt me and uncle Gin…!" she wept. "

Where is uncle Gin?"

"Right here…" Gin said gruffly as he came down the front steps. His clothes were singed and he had several healing burns on his face and arms, "Leave the child here, there are some things we need to discuss"

"My lord…" Jaken began as he hurried to Sessho-maru's side.

"Well?" Sessho-maru asked.

"I bring news…it seems Fawks-sama's house caught fire awhile ago…"

Fear gripped the inu-youkai's heart but he remained impassive, "And? Were there any casualties?"

"Luckily no, my lord. Ginzo managed to escape with the daughter and Fawks was away at the time" Jaken replied, "But the girl says they were attacked by three men dressed in black…"

Sessho-maru gazed out toward the still billowing smoke. _'Three men…dressed in black, eh?'_

"We were attacked by ninja" Ginzo sighed.

Fawks was taken aback, "and they…set the house on fire with the two of you inside?"

Ginzo chuckled at that, "No that was Tensei, one of them came after her and she set them ablaze out of pure fear. It seems her youki's getting stronger…"

Fawks rubbed her brow, "But why would they attack us in the first place?"

"No idea but they were after the pup" he replied. Fawks looked at him, horrified.

He gave a world weary sigh, rubbing his neck. "You…may not know this but…Sachiko comes from a clan of ninja inu. That's the main reason why the Inu-no-Taisho wanted to join our clans, with the ninja clan as an ally, we'd be unstoppable"

Fawks suddenly felt sick, she felt like the world was spinning out of control. Sachiko knew, she had to. There was no other reason she'd send those assassins to specifically kill her daughter.

"I dunno what you did to piss off her ladyship…" Ginzo went on, "But you better apologize and quick"

"It's…not something I can apologize for…" she sighed, turning away from him to rejoin her daughter. The girl ran to her as soon as she saw her, it made what Fawks had to do that much more painful.

"Shippo…" The fox demon appeared in a burst of Foxfire.

Tensei blinked up at him, "…uncle Shippo"

"Hey there, Ten-chan. Long time, no see" he smiled softly.

"Ten…you're…going to go stay with uncle Shippo for a while…" Fawks began.

Tensei looked at her, "You're coming too, right mommy…?"

Fawks bit back her tears as she shook her head. "No baby. It's too dangerous, especially now…"

Fawks was ready for a fight, but instead Tensei burst into tears, "It's…all my fault…! I'm sorry mommy…!"

"What do you mean?"

"You said…you said if I knew who my real papa was…we'd…be in danger…I'm sorry….!" She hicupped into her mother's kimono. Fawks said nothing, holding her close one last time before handing the child off to Shippo.

"Go, now. If you stay any longer you might be tracked"

Shippo nodded, while Tensei sobbed reaching out to her. "No, mommy…! Stay with me…!"

They vanished in a swirl of green flame.


	11. The End in the Beginning

Sachiko sang softly to her son as she put him down for a nap. Sessho-maru threw open the door, his expression still as death.

"My lord?" Sachiko began.

"Come" he beckoned to her. Pressing a kiss to the sleeping baby's forehead, she followed her mate from the room.

"Is there some reason you would enlist assassins from your clan to murder the child of one of my guards?" he asked, without looking at her.

Sachiko blinked, "Why, my lord, I have no idea what you mean…"

Sessho-maru gave a snarl, pinning her to the wall by her throat, "Do not lie to me, Sachiko…!"

All the innocence drained from her expression and she glared condescendingly at him, "I think you know the reason, beloved. I saw the girl, she's your spitting image"

Sessho-maru faltered but he did not release her, "And you think to destroy what is mine?"

"If I do not, she might one day contest my own child for the right to rule the western lands…" she said impassively.

Sessho-maru fought back the urge to rip this woman limb from limb. "You have failed. The girl killed the assassins you sent after her"

The condescending glare fell from her face, he threw her to the ground.

"Fawks is not as foolish as you are. Now that she knows you're after the pup, and you know she does, you'll never be able to find her" he turned from her in disgust.

"…her name…"

Sessho-maru paused.

"What is…that girl's name?" Sachiko growled.

"I named her Tensei…"

She gave a hollow laugh, "Of course you did…you selfish, animal…!"

"…maybe I am…" he said, "But that doesn't mean I'll let you harm my daughter…"

"And how will you stop me?! If you kill me it means war with my clan. You may have faith in that little whore of yours but make no mistake, I will find that child and I will kill her…!" Sachiko screeched.

"You can try…" he said shutting the door on her.

"I'm leaving, Sessho-maru…I don't know where I'll go but…I should've never stayed here" Fawks sighed as she stood outside the ruins of the house she'd shared with her daughter and Itnasha.

Sessho-maru said nothing, watching the stiff outline of her back as the night breeze tossed her auburn curls.

"Is Tensei safe?"

She nodded, "Shippo has her. And if he doesn't want to be found, no one will find him"

Fawks turned to him with a sad smile, "What a mess we've made…"

He reached out, running his claws through her hair, she lightly touched his wrist. "When you asked me to stay as your lover, I should have refused on the spot but…I was never very good as saying no to you…"

Sessho-maru pressed his lips to her forehead, "…I shall miss you…"

"I know…I'll miss you, too" she sighed, "I'll never stop loving you, no matter what horrible things you do"

He smiled softly, pulling her to him for a final kiss. Fawks sighed as he parted her lips with his tongue, tasting her fully if only for that moment. They drew apart for breath and there were tears in her eyes. "…My life…hasn't been what anyone would call pleasant but…when I was with you and our daughter…I was the happiest I've ever been…I wanted you to know that" She pulled away from him completely, turning her back, "Goodbye…Sessho-maru…"

"Why did you choose me?"

Sessho-maru looked up from where he was glaring into his plate. Sachiko sat adjacent at the dining table her attention on feeding their son.

"Why did you choose me instead of Fawks-san? You're obviously in love with her…" she asked coldly.

All of his perfectly maintained reasons swirled around in his head but he couldn't seem to pin down any of them. His daughter was gone, Fawks was gone and suddenly all the reasons he chose to mate Sachiko over her didn't seem to matter anymore.

"…I don't know…"

_"You can't have everything you want without consequences…you're not a god…"_

The words Fawks had said to him so long ago suddenly came back and he wanted to laugh for being so foolish.

"…I wish you had chose her…then I wouldn't be made to suffer…none of us would…"

Her words were so truthful they stung him to hear them. What had happened to him?

He was taiyoukai, powerful and singular. He shouldn't care about Fawks leaving him or never seeing his bastard pup again. But he did, and it was killing him.

_"…Sessho-maru…"_

He could still hear Fawks' voice calling out to him, it made his heart twist painfully in his chest.

_"…Sessh-kun…I'm right here…"_

Where? He couldn't see her anymore…

_"…open your eyes, Sessh-kun…I'm right here…"_

Sessho-maru woke with a start, Fawks was leaning over him, her beautiful green eyes filled with worry. He glanced around, unsure of where he was.

"It's okay, Sessh-kun…it was only a nightmare…" Fawks sighed softly, stroking his bare chest. He heaved a sigh of relief, running a hand through his hair, Fawks caught his hand, holding it in both of her own, "…you're shaking…"

"…Hn…" was all he said. She kissed his knuckles, calming his rapidly beating heart.

A soft wail sounded from the other side of their room and she turned away, "It's time for Sensuke's feeding…"

Sessho-maru sat up as she slid off their bed, going over to the crib and lifting the fussing baby into her arms.

"…what did you dream about?" she asked baring her breast so the infant could suckle. "You were moaning a lot, and you called out my name like I was going to leave you…"

"You did"

She glanced at him, he shook his head. "Nothing…come back to bed…"

Fawks smiled at him and he couldn't imagine his life any other way. Fawks leading the western lands at his side, nursing their infant pup, he couldn't possible want anyone else. She finished feeding their son, putting him back down to sleep before coming back to cuddle beneath the blankets with him. Fawks sighed happily as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

"I love you…" Sessho-maru sighed into her hair, more sure then he had ever been of anything else. Fawks tilted her head back to gaze into his eyes, "I love you, too, Sessh-kun"


End file.
